If I had a farm, the animals would all be free-range. I'm all for ethics, after all. Animals could run around wherever they like on the premises. That'd also give the added bonus of them being fit and healthy - and hopefully that makes them taste nicer. It's about giving the things you're killing a good life - happy chickens are tasty chickens, apparently. I myself have never noticed the difference, but then again, I never really know how the chicken was feeling when it was on the farm. Perhaps I've only eaten depressed ones. Perhaps I'd need a psychiatrist to make sure my animals are happy enough to be eaten and yet remain tasty.
If I had a farm, I'd keep foxes. There's a reason for that - nobody else keeps foxes. That makes an open market, right? Somebody's got to want foxes, and nowhere else seems to grow them. It surprises me that nobody else has taken advantage of this awesome emerging market. I'll be able to sell them to make fox hats, fox gloves, fox firewood, and fox steak, of course. I've never tried fox steak before, but they say that home-made food always tastes good, so I expect it'll be nice.
If I had a farm, I'd keep cows. Cows are awesome - I like cows. No other animal can make both milk and beef in one convenient passage. Also, they're too big to be taken down by foxes, which means I can keep them in the same field for maximum efficiency. This would also mean that to feed the foxes would have to leave the farm, and would hopefully hunt down livestock in neighbouring farms - eliminating the competition. I'm surprised nobody's thought of this before.
If I had a farm, it'd be run by robots. That way I don't have to do any work, and the robots would be heartless machines so I wouldn't have to worry about them feeling guilty and not slaughtering the animals or anything. Of course, I'd have to worry about something like that skynet program from that Terminator movie, so they'll all run on Linux, or something that's so bad nobody will want to even try to make it smarter.
If I had a farm, it'd have a barn. Barns are brilliant. They're huge enough to keep all the animals in at night, including any that the foxes have dragged home from other farms. Also, barns are so big, why not be efficient and live in it myself? I could have multiple floors, one for the animals on the ground, one for me in the middle, and one for any children I have on the top, but not like that one for the girl from The Ring, because the tree design was hideous and I would also worry about my kids falling out since it only had three walls. Falling out of your room into a herd of hungry cows and foxes at night isn't going to be pretty. However, the money saving from not having to keep a normal house as well as the barn would probably mean I'd have enough money to add the extra wall in, and maybe a trap-door. Problem solved.
This business is going to be massive.
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